You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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