guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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