Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
