Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
