Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
