You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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