Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
