What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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