Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
