Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
