i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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