I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
