I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
