Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
