question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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