This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize