Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
