I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
