Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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