i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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