dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
