This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
