is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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