So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
