You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
