She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
