Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
