4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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