I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
