There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
