just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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