Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
