Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
