she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
