My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think I am morally bankrupt
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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