My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
