If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
