Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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