***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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