I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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