Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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