There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
