The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
