Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
