He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
