maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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