he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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