DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
pray to the hookup gods
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
