That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
