so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
