i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
