you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
