I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
