i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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