Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
