My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
